Not filling this in until I discover the meaning of life.
1 day ago → 115,793 notes
1 day ago → 31,253 notes

Me on the phone.
1 day ago → 362,073 notes


i am that person who constantly jiggles their leg i’m s orry

(Source: bluelanternrazer)

1 month ago → 90,753 notes
1 month ago → 300,994 notes


One time I went on a date to the Olive Garden and I ordered the seafood pasta. I open up one of the muscle oyster things and low and behold there is a tiny crab in there. I freak out and think it’s the craziest thing ever. I keep talking to my then girlfriend about this tiny crab. How hilariously wonderful it is that the little dude crawled in there in the ocean only to become a freaky little part of my pasta. She is very unamused and clearly wants me to shut the hell up about this tiny crab and be a normal person. She is 0% excited about the tiny crab. 
The waitress comes over eventually and is like ‘hey how’s the meal?’ and I’m like ‘awesome, but you gotta check this out! i found a tiny crab in here!’ and waitress freaks out and thinks its awesome. And she is like ‘can I take this to show everyone else?’ and I’m all like ‘hells yeah.’ So she does and everyone else that works there thinks it’s awesome.
Girlfriend SUPER annoyed.
The End.

Date the waitress.
1 month ago → 39,819 notes



Barack Obama and his grandfather, c. 1965

Mitt Romney in the back trynna take the future president out.

Even back then
1 month ago → 46,772 notes


*reads bad horoscope* *throws rock at stars* fuck u fake bitch

1 month ago → 100,494 notes
1 month ago → 48,863 notes


If you want to hang out tell me like a week beforehand so I can plan out the reasons why I won’t be able to go

1 month ago → 327,000 notes



small obama chases a much larger version of himself

I guess you can say he was RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT

literally fuck off